MLIA

Post em here lol.

Today, my niece and nephew were visiting. My niece was trying to
convince me that Miley Cyrus was a ninja because she leads a double
life. My nephew responded with "but ninjas are cool." Good reasoning
small child.

Today, my friend texted me informing me that a) Victoria's Secret has
underwear with nutcrackers printed on them and that b) she laughed at
the irony. Made my day.

Today, I drove past a couple churches with advertising boards. The
first one said, "Jesus likes it when you're on your knees." Second,
"Serve or be served. What's your position?". And finally, "I am coming
again. Are you ready?". By far, the best churches around. MLIA

Today, on a walk, a homeless kid was holding a sign "smile if U touch
yourself." I grinned and he flipped the sign around to say "I bet U all
your $ that U smile." I cracked up and handed him the 9 dollars in my
wallet. MLIA. <---- this one is brilliance lol

Today, I realized that when driving long distances I like to pretend
the button on my emergency brake shoots out lasers and I can blow up
other cars. MLIA.

Today, Firefox wasn't working. I decided to threaten it by pretending to click Internet Explorer. It worked. MLIA


Today, I typed "high five" into mystery google and got "Did you mean HAPPINESS PUNCH?" Yes, yes I did. MLIA


The other day I was peeling a banana and my boyfriend started laughing
at me because I peel bananas from the bottom. I started to explain how
I read something saying it was faster to peel this way and he continued
laughing. I then told him the real reason I do it is because when
thrown on the floor it looks exactly like the ones people slip on in
Mario Cart. He stopped laughing. MLIA

Yesterday after school, I got bored and decided to go into the backyard
and play with my slingshot. I didn't have any ammo, so I just used
peanuts and shot them at trees. I decided to shoot at one really far
away. Out of nowhere, a squirrel leaped out of a tree, intercepted the
peanut, landed on another tree, ate the peanut, gave me what looked
like a thumbs-up, and ran away. Ninja squirrel, you amaze me. MLIA.

Today, I got bored so I typed "ugliest teenagers" on Google images. The
first result was a picture of Miley Cyrus. Well done, Google, well
done. MLIA

<3

Time for me to find my Facebook note.

PS. To those who like Twilight, DO NOT READ.

Yesterday, I went to the movies with my sister and the New Moon trailer came in and in the part where Edward says 'This is the last time you'll ever see me' my sister yelled FINALLY! the whole theater started laughing, good to know everyone's tired of it too. MLIA

Today I saw these two girls acting suspiciously near a large Edward Cullen cut out at my work. They were whispering about something and kept looking over at the cut out. After I was finished selling tickets to a patron, I looked up and saw them putting a Hufflepuff scarf and cape on him. Good to know that they know who's more important! MLIA

Today I passed a father and his son walking down the road ahead of me. The son, a young boy, was dressed as a vampire. The dad asked, "So, are you going to be that Edward Cullen vampire for halloween?" And the boy replied: "No, daddy! I like girls!" I'm glad the young people understand. MLIA.

Today, I came across the definition of "creeper" in Urban Dictionary. "Creeper: A person who does weird things, like stares at you while you sleep, or looks at you for hours through a window." First thing that came to my mind? Twilight. MLIA

Today, I went up to my English teacher's desk to tell her I didn't have my homework but would have it tomorrow. In front of me a girl was explaining she didn't do hers because she stayed up late reading Twilight. My teacher wasn't amused. I told her I didn't do my homework because I stayed up late reading Lord of the Rings. She said I could still turn it in tomorrow for full credit. MLIA.

Today was Halloween. I was having a boring time trick-or-treating when I saw a girl dressed as a werewolf and a girl dressed as a vampire suddenly run into each other. The vampire yelled "TEAM EDWARD". I expected the typical "team jacob", but the werewolf looked the vampire blankly and said coldly, "Harry Potter. I support Remus Lupin." Best response ever. MLIA

Yesterday while handing out candy to trick-or-treaters there was a knock on my door and when I opened it there was no one there. Just as I was about to close the door a saw a young boy dressed up as Edward Cullen walking up to my door. Then another boy dressed up as a police officer ran from behind him, tackled him to the ground, hand-cuffed him and brought him to my door and said, "You're welcome lady, this man is a highly wanted stalker." I gave them all my candy. MLIA.

Today, while walking through a haunted maze a character dressed as a vampire emerged from behind the wall in an attempt to scare my friends and I. Instead of screaming my friend reacted to his scare tactic with "You don't look like Edward Cullen" to which he replied "That's because I'm a straight vampire." It made my day. MLIA

Today, my little sister got into a fight at school. When I asked, she admitted to starting it by going up to a bunch of squealing Edward Cullen fans and saying, "MY Edward has scissors for hands, losers." I have never been prouder. MLIA

Today, while taking a walk outside, I passed a girl who looked about 11. She was singing "santa clause is coming to town" but with some of the words changed. I didn't realise what she was singing until I heard "he sees you when you're sleeping. you knows when you're awake. his name is edward cullen so be ready to get raped." you have restored my faith in today's youth, little girl. MLIA

Today, I went to the store and bought some Land o Lakes cheese. On the label, it said 'LOL Cheese'. I laughed. MLIA

Today, in history class, we were studying the ancient city states of Ancient Greece. Our teacher (the classic old history teacher) had a rolling chalkboard with a map of greece, and we tried to label them of a reading in our textbook. Our teacher pointed at one unmarked city and asked, "What city is this?" No one answered. After the awkward silence, our teacher yelled "THIS IS SPARTA!" and kicked the chalkboard to the floor. MLIA

Today, I saw the commercial for the new snuggie, and that they even have one for your dog. It's good to know my dogs can use the remote or read a book without their arms getting cold. MLIA.

Today, it was "Woodstock Wednesday" at my school. Most people were walking around wearing 60s style clothing: tye-dye shirts, bell bottom jeans, beads, etc. Except for a kid in my Spanish class, who was dressed up as the little yellow bird from Charlie Brown. Woodstock indeed. MLIA.

Today, I sent my friend Michael a small green ninja figure in the post. I sealed it up and it when it arrived, it was empty. No one can find the ninja. Well played, ninja, well played. MLIA. -- I laughed incredibly loud with this.

Today my Internet crashed. A little while later I got back online to see if it was up. A message came up that said "My, this is embarrassing" because it couldn't reload my tabs. I'm glad to know my computer has a sense of humility. MLIA

A few days ago my mother was helping my four-year-old brother learn the alphabet by using animals. They were going a for alligator, b for bear, c for cat, etc. When they got to V, instead of saying vulture like my mom expected, my brother says, "V for Voldemort!" I have never been more proud. MLIA

Today, my 96 year old grandfather used the term "epic fail" correctly. MLIA